Overlooked Films: Swing Shift Cinderella (1945)

If you have trouble playing this, you might try it from the Justin.TV site, HERE.

Overlooked Films: Little Rural Riding Hood (1949)

If this fails to play, you can see it on the Justin.TV site, HERE.

Neckties to Kill: James Bond, 007

Another in our series of shameless neckwear. Yes, I've actually worn these and lived to tell the tale.

 

If you missed our first installment, featuring KING KONG, click HERE. 

Line Rider: A SURPRISING New Story by Chuck Tyrell

Now playing at BEAT to a PULP:  Howey Simpson is no different than any other line rider for the Hashknife Outfit. But when he meets the Indian maiden of his dreams, his life begins to change - and by the end of the tale, his world will never be the same.

In the hands of western author Chuck Tyrell, what begins as a typical western story evolves into something very  different. I don't want to give too much away, but I can say that if you like westerns, you'll dig this story, and if you don't like westerns, you'll dig it anyway. Check it out right now in the latest issue of BEAT to a PULP.

Chuck Tyrell (aka Charlie Whipple) is the author of at least seven Black Horse Western novels. His short stories have appeared, among other places, in Where Legends Ride and A Fistful of Legends. And his latest book, The Snake Den, was released just last month by Solstice Publishing. You may have seen this very cool video, but here it is again. Chuck/Charlie blogs (often about the real West) at The Outlaw Trail.

Flush Fiction: A Bullet for Bouchcon

(click to enlarge)

Here it is, the Worst Short Story of 1982, from the tenth issue of my old DAPA-EM zine, Defunct. I'd be tempted to call it the worst story of the 80s, or even of all time, but I ran an even worse one in 1983. 

So who is this Todhunter Lewis dude? His identity remains a mystery. As you may know, Todhunter was the middle name of both Rex Stout and W.T. Ballard, so it's possible he was some no-talent shirt-tail relative. Or not. 

Since this tale was aimed at members of DAPA-EM, last names of some characters were not stated. Everyone knew who they were. But for the record, the gang featured here includes 1982 Dapa-Emmers Art Scott, Bob Napier, Bill Crider, Walter Albert, John Nieminski, Dorothy Nathan, Kathi Maio, Steve Stilwell and Marv Lachman. I think the guy with the beer bottle in his mouth is Bill Trojan. And the guy wearing the yellow pajamas is Brian Trainer, a hard-core Portland Wolfean who never got around to joining the apa. (For a definition of DAPA-EM, see Thursday's post HERE.)

Read at your own risk! Recommended procedure: Click on each page to ENLARGE, then hit the Back button to return to the post - OR - open each page in a new window.

Forgotten Books: Sherlock Holmes's War of the Worlds by Manly Wade Wellman and Son

You might like this book. There's a new edition out, and 8 of 10 people on Amazon gave it favorable reviews.

I wanted to like it. Maybe I did when I read it back in 1975. But this time it struck me as a perfect example of how NOT to turn a short story into a novel.

According to the Intro, the idea to team up Sherlock Holmes and Professor Challenger during the Martian invasion began with Wade Wellman, a poet, who took it to his pop, the well-known Manly Wade. Together, they sold a short story to The Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction. When it was well-received, they wrote a sequel. Those two tales, told by Dr. Watson, form the last quarter of this book, and they're not bad. Not much really happens, but it's interesting to see these two fictional minds ponder the problem of the invaders. The sad thing is, these two stories are the best part of the book, but they're so undermined by all that comes before that it's hard to appreciate them.

The book leads off with a tale called "The Adventure of the Crystal Egg," based on a story by H.G. Wells. This one (along with the next two Parts) is told in third person by Edward Dunn Malone, the journalist who is the narrator of the Professor Challenger books. The story has elements of interest. We see how Holmes comes into possession of the egg and meets Challenger, which is pretty good stuff. Then they sit around gazing into the egg, seeing things taking place on Mars, and theorizing about it. But that's all that happens. There is no "Adventure." Though they are the first to know that ships are coming from Mars, they do nothing about it, and simply part ways, which sets up the next two segments of the book.

Part II, called "Sherlock Holmes versus Mars," is another misnomer. Holmes wanders around, sometimes witnessing events and sometimes gathering hearsay. Eventually he has a brief but inconsequential encounter with an invader. Ho hum. The most interesting part was seeing him walk from the village of Ware, north of the city, back to his digs at Baker Street. This was interesting only because my step-daughter once attended college in Ware, and my wife and I made the drive from London to visit her. It was a long and hairy drive.

The title of Part III, "Professor Challenger versus Mars," is also a lie. Challenger treks from London to the sea to put his wife on a ship to safety. Then he returns. He, too, has a brief encounter with an invader, but nothing comes of it. This part was so mind-numbing I actually skimmed - and when it comes to fiction I am not a skimmer.

In effect, Parts II and III served no purpose at all, save to fill in the time (and the book) between the crystal viewing and the arrival of Challenger at Baker Street, where the first magazine story begins. That tale, by the way, is the most misnamed of all. "The Adventure of the Martian Client," has no adventure, and there is no Martian client. Worst of all, it is now relegated to a recap of what little has happened in the first three parts.

Thankfully, the final segment, "Venus, Mars and Baker Street," is aptly named, presents new information, and actually tells a story. Hallelujah. The book ends on a positive note.

But here's the bottom line: If you already own this, or insist on buying it, read the last two stories first. Then proceed, if you wish, to the stuff about the egg. And then, and only then, if you are so inclined, delve into Parts II and III.

PLEASE NOTE: This week, Patti Abbott's Forgotten Book shoes are being filled by George Kelley, and I'm sure he looks absolutely fabulous in them. Find out HERE.

TOMORROW!  Direct from the hallowed pages of DAPA-EM comes the Worst Short Story of 1982 - - - "A Bullet for Bouchercon."  It's stuffed to the gills with such fictional heroes and villains as Art Scott, Bob Napier, Bill Crider, Walter Albert, John Nieminski, Dorothy Nathan, Kathi Maio, Steve Stilwell and Marv Lachman, with a cameo appearance by Robert B. Parker. Be afraid!

The Last DAPA-EM

Yes, DAPA-EM is defunct. The final mailing, No. 216, arrived in my mailbox yesterday. It was a complimentary copy, as I have been an ex-member since 1984, after spending four years in the ranks. That's me, second from left, attending the wake above.

DAPA-EM, which stands for Elementary, My Dear Amateur Press Association, was an amazing thing: A group of stalwarts so dedicated to mystery fandom that six times a year they would print up their own fanzines and send multiple copies to editor Art Scott, who would bind them together and mail the whole shebang back to all concerned. You might think of it as a forerunner of blogging. Someone once described DAPA-EM as "a cross between a religion and a disease," and I can't disagree. All of this began in the mid-seventies, and rolled on until this very moment. Over the years, 126 members have come and gone (or not). You would no doubt find many of those names familiar, because they're some of the movers and shakers of the mystery world.

Art Scott kindly invited me to contribute a couple of pages to the final mailing, prompting me to dig deep into my files. I found some stuff I still find interesting, including a horrible short story called "A Bullet for Bouchercon," and will be posting it on the Almanack soon.

For now, I present a few of the covers I put together way back when. This was the Stone Age of personal computing, of course, so I was working with press-on letters, a xerox machine, scissors and rubber cement. WARNING: Rated R for Adult Situations and Partial Nudity. Hotcha! 

 

Confessions of a Necktie Fiend: King Kong

Here's the first in a series featuring neckties I not only own, but have worn in public. Yikes.