Thursday, April 15, 2010

Tax Time Follies

When I declared April to be MyNoReMo (My Novel Revision Month), my wife said, "There's just one drawback--taxes."

"No problem," I said. "I'm going to H&R Block this year, so it shouldn't take long."

Ah, but I was young and innocent then, lo, those many (well, three) weeks ago. I'm older and wiser now, and here's my tale of woe.

I've always done my own taxes. Not particularly well, by my way of thinking, but I could never justify going out and hiring somebody to do it. But in the past few years, as Capital Losses (there's no such thing as gains these days) became nastier, I started thinking of calling on old H&R. Surely, I thought, they would know the secrets of getting a heftier refund.

So I went to the experts. My expert was a guy I'll call Wally, because that was not his name. I expected it to be pretty straightforward. I'd give Wally all the W-2s and 1099s and endless lists of Capital Losses and deductible expenses and  go back to MyNoReMo, while he worked his magic with numbers. In short, I expected him to do my taxes.

We jawed awhile. I told him why I'd come and what I wanted. He told me would probably run around $185. Then he opened up his 1040 program and proceeded to ask me every question on the form, filling in the blanks with his hunt-and-peck typing technique.

Wally was polite, positive, even downright cheery (if you care to imagine him looking just like Groucho Marx, go right ahead). He was a nice guy. But he was not a good speller, he sometimes transposed numbers, and when I pointed out mistakes he seemed allergic to positioning the cursor for a quick fix. He'd delete entire lines of type and start over. When the computer popped up with objections I sometimes had to explain them to him. And when I couldn't, he asked for help from a guy who looked about five minutes out of high school.

(To become seasonal tax preparers for H&R Block, I discovered, these guys had to complete a grueling 89-hour training course. As a former trainer of service reps, I have a pretty good idea how little the average person can absorb in two weeks and nine hours. No wonder I was getting nervous.)

Well. We proceeded in this leisurely fashion for three hours, during which Wally entered most of the basic stuff, along with some of the itemized deductions, but had yet to look at Capital Losses. Suddenly he started talking very fast. "WellIguesswe'vedonejustaboutallwecandofornow. Howdoyoufeelaboutwhatwe'vedonesofar? Areyousatisfiedwiththewaythingsaregoing?" I looked at my watch. Two minutes to noon. It was time for Wally's lunch.

Wally agreed to enter the Capital Losses by himself, and we arranged another appointment. Our next meeting took two and a half hours, after which he began talking at hyperspeed again. Yep, lunchtime. More questions had come up, and Wally's high school buddy was equally baffled, so we made a third appointment, at which we expected to finish things up. WasIsatisfiedwiththewaythingsweregoing? Not so much.

That final meeting was on April 13. The federal and state refund amounts were within spitting distance of last year's. I hadn't gained a thing. "Gee," Wally said. "Remember how I told you our fees are based on the number of forms we fill out? Well, I was surprised how many it took." He showed me the bill. Instead of the estimated $185, they wanted $596. "Of course," he added, "you're under no obligation. If you're not satisfied we can just delete the return." So we did.

"Well," I said, "at least I learned something."

"Yes. Absolutely." Wally was still cheefful.  "You learned a lot."

"I learned," I told him, "that I should do it myself."

So I did. Along with the six hours I wasted watching Wally shuffle papers and attempt to type, I put in another six doing the whole thing over. All right smack in the middle of MyNoReMo. Aaaaargh.

Next year, things will be different. Next year, I just might take that 89-hour training course myself and get a desk next to Wally and the high school dude. I couldn't be any worse. And at least I could count on eating regular.

75 comments:

Kassandra said...

Was MyNoReMo supposed to be a competition? A may-the-least-distracted-writer-win kinda deal? If so, I've finally got a shot at it! Way to go, Wally!
PS Note to Evan, do your taxes in February next year.

Evan Lewis said...

With my luck, next February will be WoKaBeSheSoAnoNoMo (Worship Kassandra Because She Sold Another Novel Month) and I'll be too excited to think straight.

Laurie Powers said...

I've only gone to H&R once and in comparison with other tax preparers who were independent, they didn't do anything spectacular and charged just about the same. I've been going to the same woman for five years now, and this year I'm going to her daughter who's taken over the business. I like that old-fashioned kind of thing.

pattinase (abbott) said...

This is what we always suspected. Thanks for Turbo Tax.

Richard R. said...

I have done it all the ways: self, accountant (that was most expensive at $250), fellow who was retired from the IRS and had all the updated software (fast, accurate, good information, cheap - but he re-retired and moved out of the area) and for the last few years Turbo Tax. TT walks you through all the steps, asks the questions, we're satisfied even if it does take a while what with gathering all the stuff (but you have to do that anyway). I worked with a woman who also worked at H&R as a second job each Spring. After she told me about their training, and the level of non-supervision in the offices, I wouldn't go there. Plus with TT, we file electronically, they notify us when the returns are received and accepted, it's all clean and fast. And TT costs about $50 at Costco.

Oscar Case said...

Ah, yes, Tax time! Mine aren't very complicated so I use H&R's Tax Cut. Takes a while, but I start
in early March and take my time, since you have get all that stuff together anyway.

Evan Lewis said...

I used Turbo Tax a few years ago when it was free, and it was OK. The following year, though, they lured me through the "free" federal, but when it came time for the state they said I had to pay - or lose all the federal stuff I'd entered. I felt snookered, so I bagged it and went back to doing it by hand. Maybe I'll try 'em again next year if they're up front about the cost.

George said...

Tax preparation fees are tax-deductible. If you have a complicated return, I advise you to find a good tax-accountant. Why waste your time messing with your taxes when you could be writing or reading or blogging?

Cap'n Bob said...

I did mine last night. I wanted to go with the standard deduction but I'd have been stuck with a bill of about $900. So I itemized and got a refund. Let's see if I screwed it up like I usually do.

Craig Clarke said...

I've always done my own taxes, first on the forms, now online through TaxACT, which costs less than $20 even with their "premium" edition. I find it very helpful; it asks questions that I wouldn't think of myself, and lets me know which choice (standard or itemized deductions, for example) benefits me more.

We tried H&R one year after I had done them, and they came up with the same numbers I had, so we never went back. Just remember that they aren't tax specialists -- they're seasonal, part-time temps.

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Evan, it's worth the $20 to file electronically to the state along with the free Federal filing via Turbo Tax, at least it is for us. I hate doing the taxes, and TT has been the most painless way. Ours isn't a complicated return, except for some investments, but it's nice to be walked through the process.

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